I'm going to Guatemala tomorrow.
At this point, I just need to go. My anxious brain gets so irrational when I am on the edge of a trip. Come on already. Let's just go.
The funny thing is that I know once I get down there, I will be okay. Or I will quickly figure out what I need to do to be okay. Before the trip, I don't have that luxury.
I really hate travel anxiety. It makes me sound ungrateful. I really do want to see so many places in this beautiful world of ours. I just wish I wasn't so terrified of the unknown.
I am actually doing okay right now. (Though this is probably due to the fact that we could get storms this evening; so I am obsessively checking the radar every hour or so to see the location of the storm path. So far. So good. I am beyond terrified of tornadoes). We'll see if this changes when I start packing tonight.
The good news in all of this hot anxiety mess, is that I am conscious of it and am actually make an effort to do something about it. The long term game is this: when I get home, I am going to go back to the doctor and see if I need my meds adjusted. I am also going to try and figure out different therapy options.
However, in the meanwhile, I have done the following things to help myself not freak out during the short term:
1. called my mom while lying on the living floor.
2. Did a Tara Stiles yoga routine before bed last night. (She has lots of 10 minute routines on YouTube. Super noncommittal. They're great, especially on work trips).
3. Downloaded a meditation app called "headspace." I do that right before I go to bed, or at least I have for the past 2 evenings.
I know. Meditation has always sounded weird and boring to me. But it's not that strange or hippy-dippy, I promise.
Really, it just helps me practice deep breathing methods (which are helpful for anxious moments) and forces my mind to stop obsessing. All of these things are really nice prior to bedtime. Plus, headspace has this 10-minute daily routine, which is also pretty noncommittal. (The only thing that sucks about this app is that you only get so much for free. Otherwise you have to pay. If I find it is helpful with my anxiety, I might have to look into it. I'll keep you updated).
I plan to do another tonight.
And then tomorrow I go to Guatemala!
Whoa, buddy, whoa.