The holidays can be a hard time of year for me. This past week, I've really been feeling that "calm before the holiday storms" anxiety. But instead of appreciating the last few days of Christmas-free fall, part of me is just wanting it to hurry up and get here so we can get it over with. I mean the city of Hesston already took down their fall/thanksgiving themed banners and put of the ugly 1980s Christmas trees on the light posts. (I mean, they couldn't wait a week?)
I know. I know. I'm being a holiday hater.
But right now I am really struggling with having a good attitude about life in general. I've felt really frustrated and angry. I really miss my family, especially my sister. I really miss my BFF Jilly who lives in Qatar. I really miss my co-worker/friend Diana who moved to PA. I am really feeling the lack of female kindred spirits in my life. (Mostly because they are all really far away from me). The holidays really heightens all of this for me. Kansas can often feel like a very far remote island (without any cool, tropical water) that is really far away from the East Coast and family members who go to bed early.
"Facebook syndrome" makes me angry. I follow a lot of photographers; so I am constantly seeing really great photos of people celebrating life events that I am not. I get jealous. (Also, I get creative envy). I should take a step back. I am trying.
I am angry by the sudden association of Syrian refugees to terrorists after the Paris attacks. I've been following the Syrian crisis ever since I started working at MCC and this not only breaks my heart but fills me with rage. I don't really know what to do about that.
Moreover, I've been discouraged a lot my the weird leg problems I've been having for weeks now. My leg muscles are so tight that I am so uncomfortable all the time. And at work this discomfort keeps me from getting very much accomplished. I also haven't been able to work out very much (besides yoga). For someone who is very OCD about my exercise routine, this has been really hard for me to let go and give myself time to recover. Thankfully, 1 message and 3 chiropractor appointments later, my legs are finally starting to loosen up. But it's still a very slow process and I am unbelievably impatient.
When I get into these grumpy ruts, it's really hard for me to get out of them. It doesn't help that this is a very expense time of year either.
But I know I should try and keep myself in check. In this week of Thanksgiving, I know I have a lot for which I should be grateful. And despite my bad attitude, this weekend has been good. Levent and I went to go see the last Hunger Games movie on Friday and yesterday, my work supervisor gave us his Wichita State Basketball tickets. We even got Starbucks afterwords :)