dwelling on what is good

I don't really understand why it is that when the sun goes down, so does my perspective about life. This is the hour when it is the easiest to convince myself that life is never going to change - that this is how it is going to be from here on out. unemployed. single. dependent. math failure.

The last one in that list is a new one. I was sitting at the kitchen table this evening trying to focus on the math section of the GRE study guide while Maggie (the little dog who barks at anything) and this huge black cat named Dhabi (maybe four times the size of Mags) were trying to figure out how to get at Titui's bird cage that was hanging from the ceiling. None of these things were happening.

So I got up and made a chocolate chip milk shake (yum) in order to help motivate myself to concentrate. It was delicious, but it hardly made up for the fact that I am struggling with this math. I move through the problems so slowly and miss about 50% of them.

Okay, people, even if math was something that came easily to me, it would not make the fact that I haven't had a math course since my Jr. year of high school (03-04) any less ridiculous. I also don't understand why any one in the real world needs to know how solve a product using only prime numbers, and why schools will be judging me based on this notion. It feels very unfair.

But this isn't dwelling on what is good. After all, there was a lot of good that happened today. I promise.

My beautiful friend Kare Knapp Hunt came to visit me today. (I love living in the same state as her. It is fabulous). We headed off to Peoria only to prove that unless I am in Chicago I subconsciously think nothing is exciting enough to capture with my camera lens. I don't get this because Kare and I found a lot of cool things today. and I took pictures of none of them. I also can't remember the names of most of the places we went either, which is rather disappointing.

After lunch at Panera bread we went to the Peoria Farmer's market. Thanks to the cash from Aaron and Janice, I was able to buy a whole loot of things - corn, beans, peaches, garlic, onions, and peppers. Afterwards, we headed to a nearby health foods store called Naturally Yours Grocery to buy some spices at a cheap (and normal) rate. We ended the day by going to two different consignment stores - one for clothing, the other for furniture.

So you see, all awesome things? (And even if we had done none of this, the company alone would've been stellar nevertheless). Growing up, we only did "mall" and "chain" type of things in Peoria, which is weird since I believe Peoria is one of the biggest cities in the state (though after Chicago that is not saying much). There has got to be a whole local scene of which I am very unaware. If I knew I was going to be here longer, I would try and find it out. After all, nothing makes me more happy and hope-filled then a season bursting forth with fresh produce and that whole local vibe that thrives in the summer.

Another good factor here is that I got my niece and nephew eat their entire supper. I felt very proud of myself. (This is maybe a silly thing to be proud of, but whatever).

So yes, life is good in Morton. Actually I believe that life anywhere can be good. I just need to learn how to celebrate what each place has to offer, even if it's just fresh air and sunshine. And that, is not something I am always good at finding.

I just wish I could figure out how to conquer the GRE, then maybe I will feel like things are picking up for me again...