The missing

Today, it is still just Halo, Alissa and myself at work. It is really strange. I do love these girls very much and are so glad that they are around, but it's really hard to go throughout the day without the unavoidable realization staring us right in the face: we are not all here.

Tonight at dinner, I was very much aware of who we are missing, especially since I made about twice the amount of pasta that any group of 16 people could possible eat (and watermelon too). Without having the boys around to pile dinner so high on their plates that it makes us sit back in amazement, things don't seem quite right. Good new though: Austin and Martin are coming back, but we are very unsure as to when that is actually happening. bummer. It sucks too because the beginning of the week is the only real time I do anything, thus the only time I see people. I feel like I am already transitioning and I am not even done with this yet.

And to top it off, my friend Connie is no longer here to be my buddy for the week. I sleep in a bunk bed and while Connie was here she slept on the top bunk - which is exactly how it was when we lived in South Africa. She is gone too, and I am very much aware of that. 

I keep talking about the same things. I know this. Sorry. but it is the only thing that seems relevant to write about. I'm ready to be done I think. And this week feels like a waiting room and it is driving me crazy. This probably has to do with the fact that work today was pretty average, if not frustrating. The first batch of bread I made I had to throw out because I realized (as it was rising) that I forgot to put the eggs in it. ugh. So I was grumpy from that. (The second attempt was a lot better though).

Okay- so I am a little bit of a control freak in the kitchen and it is really challenging for me to "hold things loosely" sometimes. Well, okay, a lot of the time. And today some individuals did a good job (unknown to them I am sure) at being a little condescending. I might freak out about dumb kitchen stuff, but I promise you, people, that I know what I am doing. That was annoying.

Also, I have a very hard time letting other people help me. I don't mind it when one or two people come and help me - like when Halo came down to help me out for awhile. In fact, I like it a lot). But when I have to tell around 6 people what to do and how to do it and where to put stuff, I get really frustrated. All I really want to do it yell at everyone to stay out of the kitchen so I can actually get things done.

Don't worry. I don't.

Usually, I try my best to be patient. I think that since because half of our team is gone, it's harder to want to be here and continue "things as usual." Even though I love what I do, I believe it's time for something different.

Oh well. Tomorrow will be a better day. Of course it will be - it's fajita day.