beautiful life

This morning, I had awoken in a terrible mood. I had a dream that had somehow combined Chicago, Radical Journey, and South Africa in the way that only makes perfect sense in dreams. I have had a lot of South Africa dreams before most of which are highly stressful. This one, however, was different. I have no real idea what went on in this dream anymore. All I know is that I woke up, and was disappointed by the reality in which I had escaped. And for the rest of the morning I could not shake this terrible sense of disappointment, depression, and generally the lack of knowing what to do with my day.
When I have so much down time, it's really hard to "look forward" to the weekend because that typically means that any resemblance of a routine that I work really hard to establish during the week, is gone. And if no one is around, I find myself sitting in a chair in the kitchen staring at my water glass.

now what?

Thankfully my day eventually picked up. Part of this reason came as a surprise. 

I went running in the rain this evening. Actually, that was kind of an accident. It had rained pretty hard a few hours earlier, but it had stopped. So after the appropriate hour between me and supper,. I headed outside for my daily run when I realize, Oh, it's raining.

I stood in the doorway for awhile before I decide, eh, what the heck, and just went for it.

This may be my new favorite thing.

It is a pretty big deal for me say that for several reasons. Number 1: I do not like running. I do it, but I find no enjoyment in it... only when it's over. 2. I generally try to get my running over with in the morning otherwise I feel it "hanging over me." (Dang, I am the best at feeling guilty).

But tonight it was different. There is a strange energy that I manage to find when I run in the rain. The best moment came tonight when I was running down main street in the pouring rain, listening to 'Who Says" by Selena Gomez. (It is fine if you want to judge me. This is my jam right now. I really like this song a lot - like "want to blast in the car, roll down the windows and pump my fist in the air" type of enjoyment). This is really cheesy, but while my friend Selena was singing about how we have every right to a beautiful life, I was like, yep. you're right.

I know I've been blogging about a lot of heavy stuff (well emotionally heavy on my end) mostly about things that, well, matter, but really, aren't the whole point. And I do have a beautiful life. For that I am grateful.


Here are some other reasons why today was nice.

1. I made buns for our pulled pork sandwiches tonight. They were so delicious.

2. I started crocheting tonight after taking about, oh, almost a year break from it. And so far so good. Usually, I have to rip out my whole project about 10 times, but so far only twice. and I am feeling good about the rate it is going. (I also bought my yarn today at a local yarn store. So that is happy).

3. I went to Eli's Coffee Shop (probably the best place in Morton to go) for some downtime. I didn't job hunt at all. I did some journaling and then read my book.

4. It rained tonight. I've already mentioned this but it has been so hot. Terribly hot. but the storm that moved in has cooled down this part of the world significantly. Praise God.

That's pretty much it for tonight. but that's fine.

Thanks for the reminder Selena.