Shake it off

This was a good weekend to have Taylor Swift's new song Shake it off stuck in my head. Actually, the phrase "stuck in my head" doesn't quite cut it. It's like that song moved into my brain and stayed there for a few days.

Say what you will about T-Swift but that girl can write some catchy beats. (Yes, I am a 27 year old woman and I love her. She continues to be my favorite artist to clean my house to… as well as dance around to while also washing the dishes).

But Taylor's new single caught in my head was actually pretty timely. Currently, this song puts me in a really good mood, which is the opposite of how I felt all weekend. Why? Well, because I had to go camping.

Dant dant dah…

My mother always says that she did not take us camping enough when we were little and that is the reason as to why I hate it so.  I am not sure it would've really mattered. Yeah, sorry mom. I really do not like camping and I am not sure that any number of times of dumping me in the woods would've changed that.

Admitting my hatred of camping makes me feel so high maintenance, like I am some prissy white girl who does not like to get dirty. And I know, that yeah, some of that is true (especially since I have to do a lot of mental prep in order to "swim" (aka just stand) in a lake. Gross).  That feeling was definitely not lessened by the fact that I was camping with camping geniuses who have mastered the art of it and have done cool things like gone camping by the Black Sea multiple times. All the while I am trying to climb up a wet hill in my dumb red flip-flops. Ugh. I felt like an idiot.

Yeah, you could say this weekend was not exactly a confidence booster. (I also forgot to take my anxiety medicine, which did not help the situation. Plus, we had major flight trouble and arrived 15 hours later than we were originally scheduled. That did not give me a very good foundational attitude going into the camping event).

But I am going to just jam out to Taylor Swift here and shake off those negative attitudes and feelings by only focusing on my favorite things from the weekend.

Oddly enough, my favorite moment from the weekend was just that, a fleeting moment. We were going back to our campsite (via Levent's brother's car) after swimming (well "standing" for me) in the lake. The windows were rolled down and the fresh air was zooming in all around us. It was hot and humid that weekend in Ohio but the breeze, oh the sweet breeze, was actually cool. It felt amazing, like the earth could finally breath again.

It is really hot here in Kansas. This is the part of summer here that I hate the most. Nothing about being outside, even right now (at 10:11pm), is appealing. My phone is telling me that it is still 87 degrees out there. This is the part of the year when I long for the first cool breeze, hinting that fall will eventually come. I felt this feeling this weekend in Ohio riding back from the lake in Blake's car.

As per usual, there is always something about food that I blog about in each post. I like eating campfire food, especially with the Millers as they know how to do it up right. I particularly loved the campfire popcorn Levent's oldest brother made for us on Saturday evening. It was made cooking in oil in a cast iron pot over the fire. He than mixed in salt and surprisingly enough a little pepper and sugar. It was delicious.

I debated putting this last highlight on this blog, but I do want to remember it. So just be forewarned that it is pretty sappy. On Saturday night, I had a conversation with Levent, mostly so I could apologize for being so grumpy that day. This then lead into talking more about how insecure I feel about camping and feeling so high maintenance, which for some reason makes me feel so foolish for being the person that I am. You know, that person who hates camping. The odd ball out who really just wants to go home and take a shower.  All of this hot mess makes me think that I need to try harder to be someone that I am definitely not. Otherwise, I am just holding him back and limiting him from actually enjoying things. Levent reminded me that I should just be myself because that's the person he fell in love with.

I will carry that specific moment with me for a long time.

I will carry it with me even as I struggle to shake off all of those negative thoughts I have about myself, which creep up for various reasons, not just about camping.

It's like I got this music in mind that says everything's gonna be alright.

Those are the moments I want to remember. Thank you, Taylor Swift, Levent Miller and blog post for helping me do that… and shake off the rest.