mental health

I'm trying really hard not to murder my cat right now.

Okay, yeah I am being dramatic. (No harm has come to Scout). But holy crap is she driving me out of my mind! She has a ton of energy right now (which translates into her wanting to eat all of the cords I have in my house) and I do not have a ton of energy. She is a force.

I don't even know how people have children (or even just one). I can barely keep one small creature in line, let alone a small human being.

Okay, not the same. I realize this. Don't worry.

I am currently deep into my introvert extravaganza weekend. I just got home from a work trip late Friday night and Levent is away, skiing in Colorado, all of which translates into me morphing into my couch and watching Gilmore Girls forever and always.

It's awesome just to get veg out. I'm completely fine with being alone. (That's the best part about being an introvert).

However, recently, my introvert has felt really deep. Even thinking about being around other humans (besides Levent) exhausts me. I can partly blame it on the weather, I am sure, since winter gets me down like no one's business. But it's actually really nice this weekend. Think sunny and in the 50s/60s. (Way to go, Kansas). This cave-like introvert tendencies makes me question the status of my mental health. Why am I tired all the time? Why is it so hard to make an effort to get out of the house to see people, even people I like, let alone talk to any human ever?

It's really hard to talk about mental health. I am not sure why. Even on my personal blog, where I have about 5 readers, it's hard to say things like, "hey, I am not doing the best and it feels like the source of why that is the case is beyond something I can grasp." Or that "my anxiety has been really high lately."  It's even harder to admit that I finally made myself pick up the phone and schedule a therapy session. (It's not until February).

I want to be a healthier version of myself. I think that's reflected in some of my goals for this new year. And since it's a new year, (and a depressing winter), it is often popping back up into my brain.

Lately, I've been reframing my goals (as silly as they are) into the concept of using this year to learn how to take care of body, mind and spirit. I think I am on a good track. I have kale in the fridge (and a recipe queued up), an appointment for cashing in the massage Levent gifted me for Christmas and one for going to Prairie View, I went to church this morning and I am considering the idea of reading a non-fiction book, (probably something by Barbara Brown Taylor. This is a big deal for me since I stay far far away from everything except for fiction).

I am tired of feeling unbalanced, unhealthy, anxious, sad and crushed.

So we'll see how it goes.

But for today, I dive back into the introvert extravaganza and hope that Scout will not eat my computer cord.