Week Update: Thoughts on staying

I wasn't supposed to be here this weekend.

No ma'am. I was supposed to be in Wooster Ohio, attending the wedding of my dear Bluffton friend, Stephanie. But stress, money and allergies got the best of me and I decided to not drive 28 hours in 3 days.  I know I made the right decision but it still sucks, especially watching the wedding reception unfold last night via Instagram.

I have come to terms (sort of) with all parts of Kansas life (the crazy heat, the wind, the vastness, etc) except the part of being really, really far from loved ones. I am never going to be able to adjust to that. I think that every week that goes by I miss being around my sister. (She was, after all, the one that originally brought me out here). That's not going to change.

I love living by myself and am slowly starting to really enjoy my new rental house. But my budget is even tighter now, meaning I have to make those hard choices of not traveling and being where I want to be.

Kansas was never intended to be a long-term plan. But now that I've been here, plus or minus, 4 years the thought of leaving feels a little impossible. After all, I like my job (and at this point have no idea what else I would do), I love my boyfriend (who just started a new position as well), and feel fairly rooted here. Moving someplace different, especially some place where I know no one, is frightening.

But I am getting ahead of myself. After all, who knows what the future will bring. Hell, I didn't even know I would be moving (just down the street) a month ago. Stuff happens. The best I can do is try to be like my sister's old dog, Scooter, and just live in the moment. (Or I guess Scout, who is very moment based too. Well, expect sometimes she cries for her dinner way before it's time to eat. I know, a girl after my own heart).

Staying home this weekend was good. It was the right choice. Because I wasn't supposed to be around this weekend, my attitude about it was not anxiety-filled (which can usually be the weekend tune for me). It was like suddenly having a couple of bonus days at home. So I jumped into my summer bucket list. During the noon hour on Friday, I went lap swimming with Diana at the Newton rec pool. (It was very refreshing, even if I felt like a drowned rat for the rest of the day). I also started a batch of vanilla extract, which will be done in August. Plus, I have some dark chocolate fudge pops firming up in the freezer (more on those later). Check check and check.

Not only that, but this weekend I made time for writing at a coffee shop (Mojo's), did some gardening, had supper with a friend and did not have high anxiety at all.

Yes. I am glad I stayed home.