My current impatience

This is really ironic. I just wrote an entire post about being impatient and then someone how I managed to delete the whole dang thing. Ugh. Well, here we go again...

I feel like a hot mess right now. And I don't just mean in this moment. I mean more generally. I feel like a hot mess when I take so long to do my hair and makeup in the morning only get to the office and suddenly be a frizzy, messy hair, acne covered, eye makeup smudged mess. And yet I try so hard.

I recently listened to a podcast about adult acne and how woman (who are way way way more likely to get adult acne than men) can get acne from their teens until the 70s! What the heck! Why hasn't any one ever told me this before? All this time, I've been waiting to somehow "out grow" all the breakouts on my face. Turns out, that's not going to happen. Ever. Sometimes it's really depressing to be a woman.

However, the real source of my current angst comes from my bum leg. I somehow managed to hurt my leg awhile back and am now going to physical therapy twice a week. (It's great. It's really helping and I am suddenly a huge advocate for it). However, because I am needing to strengthen specific muscles, I am extremely limited on what type of exercises I can do. I am even limited in yoga right now because I cannot do exercises that require standing on one leg.  

I am losing my mind!

This past year, I have really upped my cardio game thanks mostly to the cardio classes offered 3 times a week at the Hesston Wellness Center. This was maybe the most in-shape I have ever been in my life. When I went to the doctor awhile back, the nurse asked if I was a runner because my heart rate was low. That's never happened before. I have felt really good with the progress I've made.

And now I have to wait. and I am SO IMPATIENT. I am bored and antsy and even though working out is not necessarily my favorite thing, it does help me feel balanced. It also helps me keep my low self esteem voices a minimum.

People who deal with high anxiety will know that exercise is suppose to help anxious people feel more balanced. While I have not necessarily felt more anxious in these last few weeks of limited exercising, I think I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety derived energy. I feel as if I am metaphorically bouncing off the walls at work. I cannot focus. As someone who loves being efficient, this is very difficult for me to deal with.

I know. I know. It is better to be patient and wait until I get the green light then to just jump right back into everything and hope for the best. I know this. I sometimes even tell myself this out loud. But it doesn't make it any easier and I still feel the same level of impatience as before.


I have my final physical therapy appointment this week before the holidays. I am hoping I will get a little bit more insight on when I can start up my cardio classes again.

In the meanwhile, I will just go back to sitting on the couch and eating Christmas cookies.