Lonely bones

I have attachment issues with my cat.

I recently decided that I should let her live life to the fullest and allow her to go outside sometimes. This means that I am going to learn to let her go and roam free, banking on the hope that she knows where she lives (aka where she gets food). She is getting quite fat and always looks at me longingly out of the window whenever I am outside. I keep thinking that if she could be outside, than maybe she would get more exercise and be less fat. 

The problem is that I am horrified that she will run away and never come back. Or that she will get attacked by the 50 dogs, chickens, roosters and, surprisingly enough, a family of ducks that live in my neighborhood I know I project too many human emotions and feelings on to her but she is my roommate and my very favorite cat. I might be an emotional disaster if something happens to her. (Okay, who am I kidding? I definitely will be one). 

This is why people associate crazy people with cats. It's unavoidable. 

I don't think it's odd to say that pets become very much a part of one's family. Thus, part of my attachment to my cat could be because I am so far away from my own family. Living in Kansas can some times make me feel extremely isolated. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my boyfriend and my Kansan friends. Still, I tend to go through these phases of loneliness where the only real cure is having coffee with my sister or sitting on my parent's front porch, etc. 

I think my desire to be around my family and/or have a family of my own comes out especially strong whenever I have to figure out transportation due to car and/or medical situations. (This week it was both. Goodbye money!) 

I had another steroid epidural one Thursday. It went fine, but it was more intense than the first one I got a couple weeks ago. It was a weird day for many reasons, but my bones (well nerves mostly) made me very aware that I wish I had a family unit around me so that these types of medical procedures wouldn't make me suddenly aware of how much of a hermit crab I am. Again, don't get me wrong, I do have good community around me. I guess, for the first time in maybe 2 years, I found myself wishing I didn't live alone with my cat.  Being an adult sucks. 

I know, it looks like someone shot me with a poisonous dart

That was on Thursday. 

Today is Sunday and we are quickly approaching the part of May where I typically tend to move living spaces. I cannot tell you have grateful I am that I am not moving right now (knock on wood) and how happy I am to be in this space, even by myself (plus one very fat Scout). And I should've leave this post without letting you know that Thursday, ended up actually being kind of fun. 

As I said before, this injection was more intense. I actually couldn't really put regular weight on my left leg for a couple of hours. (They even had to wheel me out to the car in a wheel chair. So strange). Since this can happen, I was not suppose to drive myself. This time, my co-worker/friend, Tina graciously took me. Afterwards, we zipped over to Costco, which is not usually my favorite activity, but since I couldn't walk normally, I got to use one of those electric carts. IT WAS AMAZING. I zipped around and ate the free samples while Tina grabbed what she needed, blowing off looks from fellow shoppers who probably thought I had no business being in that cart. Whatever, haters! I had a picture of my bones to prove that I was legit in that cart. 

And don't worry. I am not always a hermit crab. I got lots of good Levent time this weekend and also had coffee with my cousin to catch up but also talk about her upcoming wedding in a couple weeks, (which is also in IL so I will get to see my family in a couple of weeks).

It will be great.

In the meanwhile, I will continue to be grateful for the little community I have here and enjoy Kansas in the spring, which, according to my personal opinion, is the loveliest time of year here.