I will not say negative things about my body

I have a hard time being an optimist in general It's especially hard for me to look on the bright side whenever my back/leg is hurting. Life plus pain feels pretty meaningless. Thankfully, today has been a good day; thus it's easier to have happier thoughts. But was not the case this week.

I spent all week in a significant amount of discomfort. My chiropractor tells me that my back is taking longer than normal to "fix" because I had 2 spinal epidurals done and my body is still healing from those. I don't know. I guess it makes sense. (I spent a lot of time being annoyed when doctors and chiropractors seemingly hate each other, but put me in the middle of their lectures. Sorry people, I am going to try lots of options in order to not be in pain, especially when you're all telling me different things).

I am trying to be patient. I am. I am trying to give myself grace, but really I did not do very good with that this week. Since I am in pain, I cannot workout as hard as I want to. Because I cannot workout hard, I feel as if I am not taking care of myself and I start to have mega flare ups of body dis-morphia.

Stop it!

I don't want to be like this. I don't want to say negative things about my body. I've wasted too much time hating on myself. I've done that for years. When I started being disciplined about exercising, I realized that good cardio helped me find an emotional balance. I was taking care of myself, feeling good overall and spent significant less time dwelling on parts of my body I am not crazy about. (Plus, exercise is good for living with anxiety). This wasn't to say that I always got it right. Sometimes the balance was off and it landed me in the negative, but I admit there have been times when I have an unhealthy relationship with trying to be healthy. I'm completely obsessive with it. Right now, my balance (or lack thereof) feels as if I am back in the negative awhile still being OCD about when I can get my next swim in.

Geesh. Why is it so hard to be a well-balanced person?

I am not sure. In the meanwhile, I am trying to do more self-talk and quote "I will not say negative things about my body. I will not say negative things about my body. I will not say negative things about my body," over and over again like a mantra. That's not super easy, especially since I am not really working out these days but am still consuming ice cream like it's my job.

But I'll keep at it and maybe someday soon, I'll find that balance again, even if that still means that I can't go for a run.