Grandma Sadie's sugar cookies

Over a year ago, I participated in a cultural competency test for work. Since that test, I've been striving to gain (although quite slowly) a better understanding of my ancestral history and stories.

Part of the "trade off" for white privilege in this country is that you lose your own family narrative. For example, I am white, which is actually a social concept, instead of a Swiss-German American. What I learned from this test was that an important part of "doing your own work" in terms of racial justice means it's important to know who your "mama's mama's mama was." (Dr. Vincent Harding was known for asking people this). When I know more of who I am and why I am specific points of view, (many of which are brought about because of who my mama'a mama's mama was) then I will have a truer understanding diversity. It's not enough to learn more about different cultural groups, I need to understand who I am.

This has been lingering in my mind of awhile. (I've mentioned it a few times in previous posts).  One way to make this project seem more fun for me is to center it around food. (Shocking, I know).  (Although, I have always been fascinated by family history. So none of this is really a major chore).

This past summer when I was at my parent's house, I started going through a (literal) tub of old family photos and I was inspired, again, to work harder at this project.

That's how I found myself this weekend in my kitchen, digging out my Grandma Sadie Anna Riehl Yoder's sugar cookie recipe.

My Grandma Sadie died when I was 14. As far as childhood memories go, many things about this event stand out very clearly in my mind. It was sudden and unexpected. I remember where I was when I found out. I remember flying out to PA, which was a rare occurrence since my family also drove there in the summertime. But flying was also significant because 9/11 had happened two months previous. I remember the extra security at the airport even though I had little to compare it to. I remember that the funeral was held on my Dad's birthday so there was also a cake at the meal after the burial. Even now, thinking about that cake, I feel a wall of sadness for my father.

I think what still saddens me most of all is that I remember the events surrounding her death for clearly in my mind then I remember her life. Sure, I have lots of memories of our annual summer trip to PA. But they all see to be covered in a hazy film.

As I got out my Kitchen Aid on Saturday, I was doing more then baking cookies. I was remembering Sadie.

I think the clearest memory I have of this recipe was a time when my Yoder Grandparents came out to Illinois to visit. I have no idea how old I was, but I remember baking these with her. The recipe is so massive that we had to use both the kitchen and dining room tables to cool these sweet treats.  I don't think I was very old in this particular memory. I don't remember helping to make the cookie dough, but rather dusting the final product with powdered sugar.

Now that I am older and looking at this recipe, I have enough baking experience to realize how old this recipe actually is. Baking soda and cream of tarter are used as the rising agents (instead of soda and baking powder). There isn't any salt. (Yep. that's right). There is a significant amount of lard in it. (Hello, Amish recipes) And then were is the thing about the nutmeg.

In the copy of the original that we have, it calls for 1 Tablespoon of nutmeg. It's hard to know if this was a "user-error" in copying down the recipe or if nutmeg wasn't as potent as it is now. Or Tablespoon meant just a tablespoon from your dinner table. Who knows. I remember making this recipe for a cultural heritage potluck we had for my social studies class in high school (after my Grandma had died). I used the full T and it was way too much.

Here is how the original copy reads

Grandma Sadie's Sugar Cookies

6 cups brown sugar
1 cup butter
1 cup lard

Cream together and add:
8 eggs
3 cups sour cream
3 t baking soda
3 t cream of tarter
8 cups flour or enough to stiffen
1Tbsp nutmeg
1 Tbsp vanilla

Mix together. Drop on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 for 10-15 min. Cool completely. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. Makes about 12 dozen

My Yoder family was massive. So it's not that surprising that this recipe made 12 dozen. However, since I am just 1 Yoder + one Levent, I did not need to make 12 dozen cookies. Instead, I halved the recipe and adjust the nutmeg.

Grandma Sadie's Sugar cookies - Anna's version

Cream together:
3 cups brown sugar
1 cup butter, soften

Add:
4 eggs (I added them 1 at a time)
1 1/2 c sour cream
1 t vanilla

In a separate bowl, mix together:
1 1/2 t baking soda
1 1/2 t cream of tarter
1 t freshly grated nutmeg
4 cups flour
pinch of salt

Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and mix until well combined.

Drop on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 15-17 min. Cool completely. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. (I am not sure why my copy of the recipe had 350 on it instead of 375 but it worked out fine).

Notes:
Next time, I think I want to up the nutmeg, not quite to 1 Tablespoon but maybe more and just a teaspoon. I only used 1 teaspoon of vanilla this time because I am stilling using my Haitian vanilla, which I picked up on a learning tour a few years ago. Haitian vanilla is different than the vanilla Americans are used to baking with and has a very strong and distinct flavor. I didn't want to over do it. Finally, while I don't want to change the heart of the recipe, but it would be interesting to try a little bit of cinnamon to this mix just to see what would happen.

I wish I could ask my Grandma if she got this recipe from her mother. There are lots of things I wish I could ask her. But, for now, I am happy enough to eat these feelings in the form of this cookie my Grandma once made for me. It's comforting and delicious.