A beautiful mess of an October

We are suddenly having a stunning fall. I fully anticipate the wind whipping it away any day now. But, in the meanwhile, I am drinking it all in. Or at least Instagraming it all. I love October. It really might be the best month in Kansas. Or anywhere really

The over the past 2 weeks I've taken a lot of lovely Autumn walks and tried to keep from taking photos of every single red tree. (It's been real hard though let me tell you).

If you look closely, you can see the massive spider that has been hanging around outside our building all month

October happens to mark my "pain-iversary," meaning that it's now been 3 years since I's started dealing with my hip/leg chronic problems. My latest theory is that it's all stress. This for sure isn't comforting, because I honestly don't know what exactly is stressing me out so much that it is causing me constant discomfort. (I think I am going to try and muster up some energy again to try and navigate the disastrous system that is EAPs. That way I can go to therapy for free, at least a few times anyway. Ugh. I am going to have to call so many people first though).

October also marks the month when I first moved to Kansas, get this, EIGHT years ago. (Technically, I've have been here more like 7 years because I left and then came back but still). I realized this the other week when my church announced its 8th annual soup-off challenge. I went to the first one with my sister, shortly after I moved here. That feels absolutely insane to me. No wonder my leg is hurting. I never thought I would still be here. Now, it's getting to the point where I just feel so stuck.

Anyway, all this to say that I am maybe not doing great in the mental health department. But at least October has made me realize this. So I am upping the self-care again. I am going to call the EAP people. (Ugh.) I am going on lots of walks and not letting myself feel guilty about it (that I am choosing to walk and not go for a swim instead). I am going to yoga. I should probably download my meditation app again. And, more interestingly, I am painting.

Last Saturday, I went to a watercolor letting class. It was so fun. (And so hard). But I believe watercolor letting is really good for my mental health because it is a creative form, of course. But also because you have to go really slow to get the letters right. That slow concentration is similar to the effect adult coloring books have on me. It helps me focus and quiets down my brain. Currently, I am just practicing my letters over and over again. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be that good at this but it's pretty fun and relaxing. I am also excited to try some more classes that Sparrow lettering, a Wichita marker, offers.

Mental health is messy. But I am thankful for these past couple weeks that have made me slow down and look for beauty all around me. Thanks for that, Kansas.