The fog

 

I finally sit down to my computer each morning at 8:something AM. And I often myself chatting with my colleague/friend Emily, "what am I even suppose to be doing right now?"

It's hypothetical of course. I have a list on my desk that tells me the tasks for the day, week or whenever.  It's that I don't have enough energy to do them. Plus the inevitability of doom scrolling makes it unbelievably easy to get pull down into what I call "the fog."

Quite literally my brain feels hazy, as if my motivation, efficiency and organizational skills have been lost in a thick layer of dust somewhere in the attic of my brain. When I try and get an idea or thought to come into focus, it is like particles of half ideas are always floating around me and I cannot see what I am trying to focus on. 

Even now. I think I lost the thread of this metaphor. 

As a big KU fan, "the fog" naturally makes me think of "the phog," as in "beware of the phog" - a real factor in whether or not KU wins or loses in Allen Fieldhouse.

Right now, I am the away team. I can never win at home.

I wrote this journal entry at my latest therapy appointment. Mental health during a global pandemic is a real struggle.