536 days later

After 536 days, I finally got to see my sister. This is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. Never again.

There are many things about covid that were/are hard. Being so far away from family was one of those things. I felt this a lot during 2020 and the early days of 2021. I never wanted to live this far away from my family. And yet, here I am in Kansas, so far from everyone in my immediate family. The pandemic really highlighted how much I do not want this distance in my life. But it is what it is. At least for now.

The good news about this year is that I was able to get vaccinated way sooner than I thought I would be. (Since I was technically in phase 5, the very last group to be eligible for the vaccine). But since people are literally the worst and like half the population is opting not to get the vaccine, both Levent and I were fully immune by the last Friday in April. 

As soon as I got my first vaccine at the end of March, I called my sister to figure out when it would make sense to come out to Virginia. We wanted me to jump on a plane immediately, but it made the most sense to wait until my sister and nephew were out of school for the summer. Leah was officially done by Friday, June 11. I waited until after my birthday was passed (so I could celebrate with Levent) and was on a plane on the 15th.

Leah and Malakai picked me up from the airport with flowers and a sign and tears, (well, on Leah and my side that is. Malakai was "hiding" in the back). It was so wonderful to be around them again (and Jeron too). My sister is like another part of me and not seeing her for a year and half definitely had it's toll on me.

Even though this is not what I wanted to post to be about, I feel like I should mention my ambiguous grief, a phase I learned from a former therapist. (It's the notion of grieving things that would not or could not come to pass. It is the sadness that came from letting go of all of our collective plans for 2020. It's the grief of missing seeing clues that my nephews and niece are growing up, It is the grief of canceling plans). But, I've spent so much time dwelling on that grief. I don't really want to do that anymore (or at least in this blog post).

And moreover, even though I was so excited to be in Virginia, my mental health still was not great even when I was with my sister. Mental health is tricky like that. It makes me feel like I am missing out on my own life, (a phrase I heard Glennon Doyle so correctly nail). But I guess it was to be expected somewhat. It was the first time traveling via a plane, the first time traveling without Levent, the first time ever leaving my pandemic puppy and the first time being away from home for a long period of time since 2019. It was weird. I felt very overwhelmed a lot of the time. 

Anyway.

Despite my weary bones and my anxious brain, we did have a wonderful time together. For the most part, it was really chill, which was needed since being overwhelmed at most social situations means I am exhausted all the time. But, of course, we managed to eat delicious things, enjoy so much coffee, draw dragons, stand in a very cold river, create things with peler beads, among other fun activities.  

The flowers Malakai picked out for me

This vanilla twist is maybe one of the best pastries I've ever had.

Hanging out with Annie

I got to see Malakai play baseball! So fun! 

After M's game, we got pizza and took it to a brewery that was having a reggae night  

Both M and I are apparently not big loud music fans, but we made the most of it by finding sidewalk chalk

The "other fun activities" I mentioned above was actually a mini road trip. During my visit, we all "zipped down" to Asheville to visit my parents (and of course be in my favorite small city in the U.S.) Highlights included listening to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in the car, eating delicious food, shopping in downtown Asheville, going to an Asheville Tourist baseball game and being able to have a Father's day breakfast in person with my dad. 

Family supper at Luella's BBQ

Being Instagram influencers at the bird sanctuary

Honestly my fav part of baseball game is access to corndogs

We only stayed until about the 5th inning because it was taking forever (ugh baseball) and they were getting stomped on. But it was a nice evening.

The annual tour of my Dad's garden

Father's day breakfast at Abejas

After our Asheville adventure, we went back up to Virginia where I stayed another full day before I had to head back home.

Despite my mental health challenges, it was such a lovely trip. And the best thing is that I know exactly when I am going to see my sister again. What a gift.